A Little Bit of Me

In Limbo

2008-05-01T13:29:00.003-06:00

I haven't posted in a while. I am in limbo. I was told I am miscarrying after going to urgent care with some bleeding. My cervix was/is closed. I had a UTI and was also sent for an emergency ultrasound. The U/S showed the sac is abnormally shaped and there was no growth from the previous U/S 4 days earlier. The tech THOUGHT she saw a fetal pole but there were no heart rhythms. My beta at 6w6d was 11660 and the next day it was 17140. I have another beta scheduled for Friday and if it is still increasing, I will have another U/S on Tuesday. I have been bleeding bright red with small clots since yesterday so I am not very optimistic.

Why does this keep happening?? Why can't I have a normal uneventful pregnancy? I am SOOO emotionally drained I can't even think straight.

I will update when I have more news. =(

The Long Awaited Update!

2008-04-07T17:37:00.007-06:00

I have been so busy, I haven't had time to update so my apologies to those who were waiting!

I got my BFP!! I tested out my trigger and it was pretty much gone at 7dpo. I started to test at 9DPO after I told myself I wouldn't lol. I thought I saw something faint on a FRER. I chalked it up to an evap because it was grayish. I tested again at 10dpo and got a nice faint pink line!

10dpo

11dpo

13dpo

I emailed the digi test and a nice poem to the grandparents. We weren't going to tell anyone right away but they already knew about our treatments and the timeline so they were waiting for a phone call.

I also sent this picture:

My RE hasn't scheduled a beta, just a urine pregnancy test which I am not happy about but I will call and mention that it would make me feel better if I can get a beta.

I am still in shock but absolutely thrilled! =)

Finally Triggered!

2008-03-23T12:19:00.002-06:00

I had 2 follies at 18mm and the others were 14mm yesterday so I triggered last night at 11pm for a Monday morning IUI!! The other follies tapered off and E2 came down a bit so the RE said we were a go for IUI! I am starting to bloat a bit and my ovaries are sore but nothing too bad yet. I got my very first ever positive OPK today too! I never thought I would EVER get to this point! It's been a long and stressful cycle with 23 days of stims. The RE seemed relieved too LOL!

I tested with an HPT today to see how dark it would be to start and it's really not dark at all! I was told to use the full 10,000 units instead of 5,000. Maybe I will be lucky and the trigger will be gone completely early on so there is no questioning a true positive! I will check in tomorrow after my IUI.

Happy Easter!!

I Never Thought It Would Take This Long!!

2008-03-17T20:18:00.003-06:00

I have been stimming for 19 days!! I am just now starting to respond. My E2 is finally rising after a day of it dropping. I went from 475 to 871 in 2 days and my lining is 12mm. I didn't get exact measurements of my follicles but the RE said they are growing now. I am on 225iu of gonal-f until Wednesday and we will see if we have some progress! My RE doesn't want to cancel the cycle and is confident that this is not affecting egg quality. He says it's a trial and error cycle until they find the right dose for me. If this fails, I will be started on 225iu on my next IUI cycle instead of 75iu. I am TRYING to stay positive but it's extremely hard! I NEVER expected it to take this long! UGH!

Slow & Steady Wins The Race

2008-03-10T13:09:00.002-06:00

I am on day 12 of stims and it's slow going. My estrogen after 3 days of stims was 122 and 173 after 6 days of stims. I didn't like the RE that did my follie check on Saturday. He briefly check everything out and because the tech didn't want to take blood from my hand, he said it was OK and that it wouldn't change my dosage anyway. Needless to say I was very upset because there was no progress from what I saw and wondered how he could make that judgment without knowing my E2 levels. My RE today was a little irked by that. Anyhow, there is some progress! I now have 2 follies around 12mm on my right side and no change on my left so far. My RE is trying to make them 'leave the pack' so to speak. My E2 today was 307 so my Gonal-F was increased to 187.5 from 112.5iu and back on Wednesday for a follie check. She expects to go another 5-6 days from today before trigger.

I am a little concerned about stimming for so long but she reassured me that it wouldn't compromise egg quality and that with PCOS, they have to be very conservative with dosages. Going a bit longer with PCOS is not uncommon. I feel a little better but still have my doubts in the back of my mind that this won't work. UGH! Why can't my body work like it did when I was 18!?!?

Day 7 of Stims

2008-03-05T20:43:00.004-07:00

I figured I should update today since I am a little over halfway through my stims I think. My E2 on Sunday was 122 which the nurse said was 'good' but a little low. I had a follicle check and E2 check again today and I have 3 good follies measuring 11-15mm and many other smaller ones. My E2 was still only 173 so I was bumped up to 112.5iu from 75iu of Gonal-F. I go Saturday for a follicle check and blood work again. I have to pick up another Gonal-F pen tomorrow and my HCG that I have to carry on me so they can mix it when it's time to trigger. I have a feeling I was over suppressed to begin with so that's why it's taking longer for my E2 to rise. Other than that, my RE said I have beautiful young ovaries!

Here are a couple pics of my Sheena. She arrived safely on Sunday and is adjusting extremely well. =)

Started Stims!

2008-02-29T20:23:00.005-07:00

I had my baselines on Wednesday and everything was fine. My ovaries were quiet and my lining was thin. I started Gonal-F 75iu on Thursday and I will have blood drawn on Sunday to see if I stay on the same dose or increase/decrease it. I will more then likely have an ultrasound on Wednesday of next week. I am hoping to trigger by next weekend. The Gonal-F pen is so easy to use! It didn't hurt at all! I was nervous leading up to it but when it was time, I prepared the pen and injected without hesitation! I feel slight twinges in my ovaries. They are waking up from a looooong nap!

Sheena will be here Sunday! =)

So Much Going On!

2008-02-22T20:20:00.005-07:00

AF is slowly starting so I should be right on time to start injects. I can't count today as day 1 because she is barely there and my RE wants full flow by 3pm. I am scheduled for blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday @ 8am. I will get a call a few hours later to get the OK to start Gonal-f. They want me injecting at 1pm so I will have to do it at work. Thank God I have 1 girl there who knows what I'm doing and can cover for me. My first day or 2 will probably be difficult but I know I can do this!

I am so stinkin' excited!!! My dog flies in on March 2nd and we will be picking her up at 11am!! I ordered her kennel last night and my friend should have it on Monday or Tuesday! They will put her in it everyday until her flight so she can get somewhat used to it.

This is my Sheena!! She's an old lady now but still very healthy and active! How can you not fall in love with that face!!

Good News!!

2008-02-19T19:02:00.003-07:00

I am flying my dog here!!!! OMG!! We could have her as early as next week! We decided that she is meant to be with us. I have to order her an approved kennel and send it my friends and they will bring her to the airport. I am just waiting on her measurements and weight. I'm so freaking excited!! =D

I Miss You Sheena!

2008-02-17T09:41:00.004-07:00

I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with work and trying to stay sane.

I started suprefact on the 14th 5x per day until the 27th. I will have baselines on the 27th to see if I am suppressed enough and that my E2 is low enough to start stims. I will stay on it 2x per day while injecting to prevent ovulation. I am feeling the effects of the suprefact. The first day my blood sugar dropped and I felt extremely anxious with some blurred vision. I have a mild headache pretty much all the time but nothing unbearable. The hot flashes are pretty bad! I wake up in the middle of the night soaked! My sleep hasn't been good either but that started earlier in the week before I started suprefact.

In other news, when we moved away we had to leave behind our golden retriever, Sheena, because we weren't allowed pets so we left her with my sister. We found a place where we were allowed to have her but we decided that my sisters kids were too attached to her and we didn't want to upset them so we left her there. A few months later, my sister calls and says she's getting a divorce and she can't keep the dog. My best friend took her and promised to keep her. The dog is 9 years old so she only has a couple years left and that was part of the reason not to fly her here. She wouldn't tolerate flying I'm sure. My best friend emails me yesterday to say they can't keep her because they don't have time for her and asked if we wanted to fly her here. She said if we didn't, her neighbor would take her. She couldn't have picked a worse time to tell me this! I am a hormonal mess and I couldn't stop crying for over an hour! Even though it has been 2 years, I miss my dog everyday! I wish I could get her here somehow but I am risking her health if I do that, but moving her from house to house can't be good for her either. She must be so confused! She is a very laid back dog and I think she will adjust well but how unfair for her to move again! I guess I need to let go of her as 'MY' dog but I feel so horrible! We raised her from a pup at 8 weeks old. We had her for 7 years before we moved here. ='(

6 Days & Counting!

2008-02-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have 6 days until I start suppression! I started spotting today which caught me by surprise. I don't usually spot in between periods and it's only cd15. I am waiting to see what comes of it before I call the clinic. I hope this doesn't mess things up!

I told my boss that I will be having some appointments over the next few weeks but I haven't told her what for. I told her it was female issues and that was all I was going to say. She then went on to say how having a hysterectomy was the best thing she did! OMG! She has no clue what is going on with me but does she not realize that most women are not happy about needing one? I am only 30! She had hers at 45! I can't WAIT to announce my pregnancy! I know it will burn her ass! I am up for a new position in July and I will take it just to make them hold it for me for my year maternity and then I will tell them I am not coming back! The only reason I am staying there is for the benefits while I am TTC. My drugs are covered 100%!

On a lighter note, I am so happy to be finished with my daughters science fair project! She got a good mark but didn't win. We went to the open house and I swear some of these projects were done 100% by the parents! There were things that were way too advanced for 6th graders! Thats or I'm just not that bright!

My Meds

2008-01-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

We went this morning to pick up my meds and to teach me how to inject myself. It looks a little scary but not as bad as I thought. The needle is about the diameter of an acupuncture needle and she said it feels about the same. I am on the lowest dose of 75iu to start and hopefully I will stay on that dose. The cost was $750 for everything, thank god for insurance! I have 2 gonal-f pens in 300iu dosages with a 75iu overflow on each and 2 boxes of the suprefact nasal spray used to down regulate. I also have baby aspirin and a fancy carry case for my pen.

I am SO scared!

2008-01-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

I got the call from the pharmacist today to tell me my meds are ready to be picked up. I go tomorrow to pick them up and get my injectable teaching. I was happy about this today but tonight I am a wreck!

I tried talking to my BFF about what I will be doing but she wasn't very receptive and just told me to RELAX! UGH! She has had 3 kids, each of them conceived her first month off birth control, so of course she means well I'm sure but she drives me INSANE! I have no one IRL to talk to about this except DH. No one GETS it. I burst out crying on the phone to my mother tonight. She too said RELAX! I can't get mad at her though. She is 4000kms away and can't support me like she wants to.

I guess it's just setting in that I will be injecting myself to try to get pregnant! I can't shake this feeling that it won't work! Why do I do this to myself? I am supportive of others online going through this and reminding them to stay positive, yet I am doubting all this myself! I don't know if I can do this month after month! I have a whole new respect for the ladies who do this over and over again. I guess the clinic put it in my head that there is only a 25% success rate doing IUI and that I should do IVF at a 70% success rate. My old clinic had a 40% success rate for IUI but we moved away. Is this why I am doubting all this? I mean 25% isn't that good, is it?

My Timeline

2008-01-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with the nurse at the fertility clinic. We discussed what is going to happen in the next couple of weeks and to confirm my acceptance in to the IUI program. I am getting my official timeline in the mail but here is a rough draft.

Start superfact nasal spray on Feb. 14, 5x per day for 2 weeks (earlier then I thought)
Feb. 27 I will have an U/S and B/W to make sure I am suppressed
Feb. 27 I will begin 75iu of gonal-f 1x per day and lower superfact to 2x per day
My first U/S for a follie check will be on March 1 and every few days depending on how I respond
I will do injections for 10-12 days or possibly 14
If I have 1-2 mature follies, or a max of 4, I will trigger and have IUI 36 hours later
If too many follies develop, I will have the option to convert to IVF

I am so excited and nervous!

Finally!

2008-01-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

The witch has showed and I am officially counting down to starting suppression for IUI! I called to reserve my spot at the clinic and I will be getting a call soon to go for an injectable teaching and to pick up my meds.

I had to reformat my PC because I had a rootkit.agent trojan on my computer. I tried everything to remove it to no avail. It took me 5 HOURS to install and get the internet running. I continued fixing things on it this morning and I think I have everything. I can download software as I need it. I hope to never have to do this again!

Come on Already!

2008-01-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

UGH! I am STILL waiting on my period to start! I am cramping but my temps are still up. I did an HPT and it was stark white negative so I'm not pregnant. I never wished to have AF in my life but today I am!

R.I.P

2008-01-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

So Hormonal!

2008-01-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I haven't even started injections yet and my hormones are all over the place! I cry at the drop of a hat, I have extreme hot flashes and I am so cranky!

It is the middle of winter and I sleep with my window wide open and I need a fan when I get showered and ready in the morning. I got in the car yesterday and all the windows and anything with plastic/glass immediately fogged up LOL! Hubby was a little miffed because the car was almost ready to go and then we had to wait for it to clear. I am a walking heater! My temps are still way up so it will be a few more days before I start my period.

Hubby is working night shifts mon-fri and is concerned he won't be able to perform when I go in for the actual IUI. We are hoping it will fall on the weekend so he will be rested. Poor guy! I only have to carry the baby for 9 months! =)~

My daughter is preparing for a science fair at her school. She is doing it on bacteria. Her and her partner have collected purses and swabbed it with a chemical to see how much bacteria is on it. I am not sure what all it entailed because they did the experiment at her partners house. I am sooo glad this her last year to do mandatory science fair projects! It seems the parents put more work in to it then the kids. This girls mother seems like a pro at this. She called me and explained what was going on with it and I felt like Charlie Brown in the classroom with the teacher babbling. I was never good at projects and I see DD taking after me. I always pulled it off at the last minute though and she does the same thing. I always did good but never placed in the science fair.

The Wait Begins

2008-01-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

I take my last dose of prometrium today so my period should be here in the next few days. I hope this next month goes by fast. I HATE waiting! I know this will all be worth it but can it go by a little faster? =)

If this works my first round, I will be due at the beginning of December. What a nice Christmas gift!

The weather has been OK here. It snowed this week finally. I am not envious of the all the snow back east though! That's one thing I don't miss is all the snow. It snows here but not much and it usually melts in a few days or it stays cold but doesn't snow for weeks.

We are taking our daughter sliding this weekend. We went over the holidays, and me being the cool mom that I am ;) went down with her! I must have forgotten that I am 30 because we didn't even get halfway down and we went flying off! That was NOT fun! I was sore for days after! I now stand at the bottom and watch. =)

At it Again!

2008-01-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted on my blog so I decided to 'try' and get this going again. I deleted all previous posts except for the one before this one because I feel the need to share to family and friends how infertility affects me.

My family and friends are well meaning but do not understand. I have been at this for almost 10 years and I keep getting the 'relax it will happen' or 'you're still so young'. This HURTS when you say this! All the relaxing in the world will not get me pregnant and I am not THAT young! I am 30 which gives me a good 5 years before my chances drastically decrease. 5 years is not that long when you think about it.

I am beginning this hell ride again. I have started prometrium to induce a period and then I will be suppressing my ovaries and starting gonal-f injections. The timeline is as follows:

Prometrium on for 10 days starting
on January 10, 2008
Period should start approx. 5-10 days after last dose
I call in the clinic on my day 1 to get on the IUI list
Sometime before 28 days, I will go for an injection teaching and pick up my meds
On cycle day 28 I will start superfact nasal spray to suppress my ovaries

I am not sure what day exactly I will start injections. I THINK I will have my period while on superfact and will begin injections on cycle day 3.

I will be monitored by blood work and ultrasound starting on cycle day 7 and every 2-3 days until my eggs are big enough to trigger. I will be given an HCG trigger shot to mature my eggs and make me ovulate. I will then be artificially inseminated with my husbands sperm approx. 32-36 hours after the trigger. This is called intrauterine insemination or IUI. They place the washed sperm in my uterus through a catheter giving us in increased chance of conception.

If I produce too many follicles, I will be given the option to switch to IVF or cancel the cycle.

I will then have a pregnancy test done 18 days after insemination. I know I won't be waiting that long to test but won't test too early because the HCG trigger can give false positives.

So this is my update for now. I will keep everyone updated as events unfold. I intend to use this for general stuff going on with my life, not just about trying to conceive. Jennifer

I Would Die For That

2007-06-30T14:50:00.001-06:00